it was tantan's birthday yesterday. and we didn't see each other. we haven't spent time with each other for so long now. i guess it's just the way things are. a month ago, i cried all night and didn't sleep because i told him everything i felt. and yes, he listened to what i had to say. and a month after that, nothing's changed. he still doesn't love me as much as he used to. i'm still not as important to him. there was nothing i could do.
i guess i thought this would be easier because i expected it. and i trained myself to expect it anytime soon. but i cried last night. i didn't want to. for hell, i trained myself not to. but i still did. because even with goodbyes you expect, you still feel that sting there. you get hurt just the same. it's sad that people decide to leave you behind because changes happened. his feelings changed. his lifestyle changed. he changed.
and although i could not really say this was a love i would die for, i loved him with all the love i could give now. and i have shown him how much i did care. but i guess these past two months had been different. i guess he knew im getting tired. i guess he knew that i already have the idea that he just doesn't feel the same way. he used to be so sweet and so caring. he used to run after me when i walked out. he used to panic whenever a tear falls down my eyes. he used to say i looked beautiful. he used to stare at me when we're together. and now he doesn't. and who could blame us?
he said he's sorry. and he's sorry that he's no longer the man i had loved once. he's sorry and he'll just bring over my stuff tomorrow. that was it. and i cried. and all he had to say was that i should not cry. he told me i'll be okay because i've always been stronger than what i thought myself to be. but i still cried.
because i lost someone again. and although chrisson had always been here (he's a student, and he keeps me company here in talamban) to make this easy to cope with, it's still hard because he was the only company i used to have. and now he's gone..
this is the last time.
the last time... until i learn to have that faith in this so-called love again.
I was young but I wasn't naive I watched helpless as u turned around to leave and still I have the pain I have to carry a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
after all this time I never thought we'd be here never thought we'd be here when my love for you was blind but I couldn't make you see it couldn't make you see it that I loved you more than you'll ever know a part of me died when I let you go
I would fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming that everything would be like is was before but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
after all this time I never thought we'd be here never thought we'd be here when my love for you was blind but I couldn't make you see it couldn't make you see it that I loved you more than you'll ever know a part of me died when I let you go
after all this time would you ever wanna leave it maybe you could not believe it that my love for you was blind but I couldn't make you see it couldn't make you see it that I loved you more than you will ever know a part of me died when I let you go and I loved you more than you'll ever know a part of me dies when I let you go
