i don't know. it wouldn't matter if i love him or not, i just need someone to love me, to accept for for what i am... who i used to be, and who i have become. but then, even if that happens, i don't think i'd care a bit less. i'd still be as lonely as ever.
and la tristesse durea. the sadness still would not go away.
i read in a friend's blog something about desires. how, most of the time, the thing you really want the most, is the one thing you can't have. how desiring leaves you heartbroken. i guess that goes for most of the people in this world. but really, the people who suffer the most are those who do not really know what they want. and i agree with that. if you ask me what i want in my life, i could give you a million answers. they are almost the same with everyone else's anyway. but i realize now that i do not really care if they do happen or not. the emptiness won't be filled.
i have everything i thought i wanted. i've got lots of people who love me, who care for me, who'd do anything for me. i am okay. i got the job i wanted. i am doing fine. i just don't know why i am not at all happy. i just do not know what i want now.
perhaps i changed too much.
i gave up on life i guess. i just don't know what i want to happen now.
