the scuba diving WAS postponed. hehhe... but we went on snorkeling anyway. well, at least they did (i've never been taught how to swim.) it was fun. and sir aaron handed me another seashell (the weird looking one, hollow like a turtle's shell and two holes, and very very very fragile), just like the other two he gave me in Bohol. this time though, my promises of not breaking the shell was caught on video. shoots. and yes, although the shell lasted with me for some few minutes, i did, unintentionally again (just like the ones in bohol), break it.
and i got disappointed once more. sir aaron had actually predicted it wouldn't last long. and we couldn't do anything but laugh about it in the end. i kept the broken pieces. after all, it was the only one among all the three that lasted with me longer.
by the time we got back to school, sir aaron said something that made me think about how related shells are to love. his line went like this. "so see kim, a shell is a lot like love. if you hold it too tight, it breaks. if you neglect it, it breaks." and then he laughed. it got me thinking even until i got to the fellowship (the one i've attended for three times now)....
the first one sir gave me was nicely shaped. it was big. it was white. and the holes were almost perfect. it was fragile still, and so i gave it the just-right-grip (not too strong, not too soft). i didn't want to part with it too long, so i kept holding on to it everywhere i go. you know how i broke that one? i was on the shore making sand castles when suddenly, without noticing, i suddenly held on to it tighter. ...and yes, the once-so-nice-shell became a-thousand-piece-shell.
well, the disappointment was so bad that i (baga au ko nawng) BEGGED sir to get me another one. he found that somewhere very, as in very, far from the shore, and so i knew the begging had to be done. and a few minutes later, the ever-so-nice-sir-aaron brought me another one. this one was smaller and wider. and the holes were not so nice. the shell was a lot thinner, too. i practically understood i must not hold it. and so i just let it stay on top of my open hand. and yep, i broke that one, too. i was standing with the sea up to my belly, kept holding my hand up, just so the shell would remain still on it. i was looking at a starfish, you see. when suddenly, a bigger wave came. and the next thing i knew, i was holding another broken shell.
i kept begging for another one but it was already time to go. sir said there were other times. probably he'd find me another one.
well, after two months, there it was. a darker and thicker shell. its holes were a bit broken. but it was just the right size.
i kept it in a safe place this time,and checked on it every once in a while (we were riding a pumpboat). and i always made sure no one dared to touch it. when the bigger waves came, the shell fell. and it got only a small crack near one hole. i made sure the waves would not dare move it again. it stayed fine for hours, even after we got off the boat, changed, and started heading back to school.
i had already planned where i must place it when i get to school, where i could keep it in the boarding house so it would not break. i planned how i can preserve it longer by coating it with something that would make the shell harder. i practically could imagine everything. i swore all the hair on my head turns gray before that shell breaks.
i was sitting at the front seat (right beside sir aaron while he was joking about how soon i'd break the shell). i kept it in his cap so i could hold on to it and it would not fall off. and the cloth was soft enough. i was practically sure everything would be alright.
i took videos of my shell. i was soooo proud of it.
and when we passed mactan bridge, i took my eyes off it to look for a peso. i never forget my bridgewish. after that, i just held on to the cap while i recorded videos of me, sir aaron and soek. by the time we got to super metro mandaue, sir said the shell was not inside the cap. i practically had kept the cap okay, so how the hell did the shell disappear? i do not know.
PERHAPS i just neglected it for a while, because i was sure it was okay. and i stopped checking, because i knew it was safe. i was SURE, after all, that i'd reach school with it. i guess i was wrong again.
thump thump thump. my heart went. and right under my right leg were broken pieces of it. and the disappointment stays with me even until now.
