Ronie and I agreed to meet next month, before I head on to Japan. I asked if I could hug him there. Well, he just said "hehe..." Yeah, I guess we will hang around glorietta and hug each other. So what is it I'm scared about?
I'm scared of seeing him again. Things might not be like they used to. I might realize that I can live without him. And that would be a pain I cannot bear. It would be like discovering a void within me that nothing in the world could fill.
I'm scared. After all this pain I'm going through now, I might look at him and realize that it is not him I was born for. I love him. Once, and right now, I could say I love him. But I'm scared of not loving him. I remember a line I read once (don't remember where), it went like "Don't leave me too long. I might learn to live without you". I'm afraid to learn to live my life without Ronie. For without the hope of dying beside him someday, I would have nothing more to live for, and no other reason to keep going through each painful day.
It is Ronie I have decided to keep for the rest of my life. And although he's away, he remains here. The love he gave me once is still with me, wherever I go. And that love, I swear, I would not let go of.
Because of that love, I was made whole. I found goodness within me. I dreamt of good things. I did good things. And I was happy. I found out what really mattered.
Sad though, because... just like the song below, no matter how great a love may be, sometimes, in this world, it's just not enough.
