at first, i really did not answer the call, what more could he say anyway? but i figured since it's something i don't want to be bothered about some other day, i answered it anyway.
he asked how i was doing... asked how my world was... asked about his brother... asked about school... asked about the enrolment... asked about stuff i really think he could just have asked about from someone else. and i guess i really didn't want to be impolite. i waited until he ran out of questions so i could put the phone down. ison was there after all. and i know how heavy it must have been for him.
and there it came. the apology.
"sorry."
for what? what does an apology really do? i don't believe you should ask for forgiveness for breaking someone's heart long after it's over. it's not needed. and i doubt it's something the other party wants to hear. what good does it do really? for the heartbreaker, would it ease up the burden he carries when he thinks about how much of a horrible person he really is?
there are things i wanted to say too. like how i know the truth. like how i know what he said. like how i know what he did. but there are some things better left unsaid. it's all part of some yesterday i have trouble remembering now. what good does it do anyway? i'm happy now. and the person he is now is not the person i would really like to explain anything to.
the person he is is not the person i had loved once, a long time ago. i doubt that person really did exist, after knowing what i know.
when an apology like that comes, you do not really know what to say. i, for sure, didn't. so i said it did not matter. that was something that happened a long time ago. and whatever.. and i said goodbye.. it was an apology unwanted. it was an apology unneeded.
and you know what? even when i thought he no longer had a hold over me or could ever destroy my life again, indirectly, he still matters. because until now, ison hates me.
he hates for me for taking the call. and i have done everything i know to make it all go away. to make us be like it was before i took the call... but nothing worked.
i'm almost giving up. when the person i love does something wrong like that, i get violent, then i cry... then when he hugs me and assures me everything is fine, everything else won't matter and things go back to the way they were. but with ison it's different.
the more i try to talk about it, the more we head to an argument that hurts us both. and even if i swallow my pride and beg him over and over to forgive me for taking that call, the more he finds ways to tell me things that make it all worse. i gave him some time alone, and still nothing's better.. i let us sleep over it, and it's still not better. i watched him sleep all night and showered him with a million hugs and kisses, and still it's not getting better. i assured him of how much i love him, and nothing's the same still.
i ran out of options now. i'm not the kind of person who runs away from the consequences of what i know i really did do. and although it's really hard to accept it, i face it anyhow.
i made a mistake when i took that call. i really hate myself for listening to what he had to say, i really did not want to after all.. it was uncalled for. and it was unnecessary.
and if ison hates me for having done that, then i guess there's only one thing left to do but to accept it. if he cannot forgive me, after doing every known apology i could do, then it's not up to me anymore.
i'll pray he finds it in his heart to forgive me. if he really loves me as much as he says he does, then there's really nothing i should be worried about right?
i'm going home to see my lola tomorrow. and when i do, i pray he'd be with me then and realize that instead of making this worse by letting that someone from my past destroy what we had built together, we can just live our lives and be happy again.
we have a lot to look forward to after all when the fruit of our love would finally be here.
i'm feeling much better now. hahahha... she and i texted. and it was really funny guys!
because she was so desperate, ang iya gibuhat kay nanghadlok, nagthreaten nga magkalat sa public ug baho nga u already know, labi nag libak, is not true.
and i laughed. and gibastos ko niya. but ison arrived to my rescue. finally, after this entire ordeal, i learned something.
you should not expect too much from people.
my baby realized that...
they will only, one day, prove u wrong. my baby always knew what she was (TRASH hahahah), but he never expected she'd do that to him, after all he has done for her. tsktsk. kawawa naman.
and you know what?
she texted a lot later to say she's changing numbers. she was so DAMN HURT daw. yah right. u should be. ison was the only person who ever tried to look for the good in you. and when he had the courage to finally tell you what you really are, you hurt. hahahah. you must have been bleeding your guts out. HOW MUCH PAIN WAS IT? when you know ison. and you know he wouldn't lie. "WALA KANG KWENTA." it was his last sentence. wasn't it?
gibutangan pa nimo syag phone kay nasakitan ka noh? u expected he'd rescue u again?
plastic lang ang lahat sayo daw.. dahil hindi ganoon kasama ang mundo. hindi nila masabi2 sayo ang katotohanan, ayaw nilang makasakit ng tao.
but u don't deserve that the truth be hidden from u.. most psychologically impaired people don't. they usually tend to create images of themselves in their mind and act it out. hahahahahha.... and lies will be lies.
she called me a witch. hahaha. i love being the witch. that's why on costume parties i usually dress as one. wow. if i was no ordinary human being, i'd probably be the one flying on a broom above you and laughing at u "HIHIHIHIIHIH".
but then, what can u do really? WHEN IN THIS STORY, i'm the princess. i'm ison's princess.
and if there was indeed a villain to this, it wouldn't be you. You'ld probably just be one of her ugly minions.
i love my ison so much.
he is my knight in shining armor. and he makes me the happiest in the world.
^^
hihihihihi....
no matter what happens, bisag unsa pa na ang iyang buhaton para mutry ug destroy sa akong life, it does not really matter. ison will still be here. ^^ hihihi and all the people who matter to me know the truth.
and you know what was most funny? nagpalaban sya sa langit. hahahahha
i thought when you trashtalk someone, you're more for the devil. when you threaten to tell everyone lies about a person so they would think she's that kind of person, it's for the devil sad? hmmmm... u don't call God when you're losing the hell you've dug out for yourself.
but i guess it's like that. when you're running out of options and u know you've lost, you scream to heaven for help. and you ask karma to do what it's supposed to do? or ala sya kabaw unsa na ang KARMA? ang dumura nga naman sa langit.. tsktsk.
i don't start fights. but if u mess with me first, start to pray. you don't fight a war with someone who has way higher IQ than yours. they never fight if they know they're going to lose.
magpray daw sya rosaryo para namo. OMG. hmmmmm... i wonder, i mean if she has to relearn words everyday (because the only ones she knows are PAMALIKAS), kagrabe nga sakripisyo... ^^ hhahahahah iggunit niya basin mukirig sya. hahahahah ug ang mugawas dili prayers kundi PAMALIKAS napud. as usual. naa bay nausab? hahahahha
mangatawa nalang ta. ahhahahha...
humanon na ni nako nga "angry" phase. kay saon nalang.... :) hhihihihihi..
"what other people think of u is none of ur business".
and labaw na if ala ka kaila nila! hahahah ipagkalat nalang niya, sa mga tawo pa nga walay labot sa akong kinabuhi. hahahhaha!!!
