Walay lingaw. And i had lots of bad dreams last night. It must be from the stupid hotel626.com game. You should go try it out if you don't have a weak heart. It's open 6pm to 6am anytime. Just make sure you have someone with you while you play it. Turn off the lights and turn up the sounds a bit higher.
I thought i forgot it later last night, but subconsciously (like some people here in the department who also had bad dreams), those thoughts just won't go away.
These are the things I'm afraid of
Losing someone I love
Having a nightmare and waking up only to find out it's real
My upcoming graduate thesis
Being unloved and uncared for
Finding out that whatever it is I'm fighting for isn't just worth it at all
Not being forgiven for the stupid things I had done
Marking myself as "dumb"
Failing an important test
Not being accepted for who I am
Losing faith in God
Having someone disappoint me
Having to disappoint someone
List to be updated.. hahahah.. gotta get back to class.
"i have no time to change", i said today. but the world asks me to. and i tell it, "i have no time to change."
i'm plotting down a schedule good enough for me. i think if i manage it, i'll be fine. but then.... but then.... (this is for you, if you know who you are.), i'd probably have no time for you. i am scared. i'm scared of all the things i need to do. and i might fail... i do not want to try and fail. i don't think my heart can take it.
and i hope you understand. give me a few years for this, and then maybe i can start thinking about us. it's not yet time anyway. i've been from major breakups lately. and maybe, maybe, changing this lifestyle would help me heal and be ready for you... if you could wait that long. we can stay the way we are for the mean time. and please don't ask me to rush.
i hope you can hold it in for the moment. i just have no time.
there is no thin line between them. but it seems i am crossing one fine wire. and so i'll go with the flow. and just see what happens in the end. that's all i can do anyway. life offers you lots of chances to screw up. and whether this is one big screw up or something that could most probably be right, then i'd just have to wait and see.
and i regret doing so. because i remembered all the times i begged everyone to not leave me behind. and i only felt less than who i really am. i knew it would come to this. and still i begged and told you i can't take it. just so you'd know. but you're cruel. i once believed you're different. but you're not. you are not any special. because just like the rest of them, you think you grow up by getting the chance to leave people behind and having hurt them... and by getting that chance to have them beg you to stay... by believing that when love fades, it's that easy to run away from who you've once given it to.
i regretted when i begged you. because that night, when i went to the bridge and had the skies rain on me, i learned to love myself again. i'll be your friend still. and part of what we had will always remain special. but if you can change that fast, then so can i.
"anyone who does not see my worth is not worth my love." and i say that with my sweetest smile.
