i got home around 1030 am... and my class starts at 1030 am... so all i had to do was get dressed (a good change of clothes), and go to school. and there was an emergency meeting around 11:00. shoot me now and i won't feel a thing.
hahahhahahahah at least i can still write. the meeting's ongoing right now. and somebody noticed i smelled like tanduay. and all i said was "amazing, really?".... and smile like hell.
smile like hell. SMILE LIKE HELL.
it gets me out of bad situations. and nobody else is saying a thing. maybe they know. maybe they don't. what the heck... but i don't feel so well. i just don't care. i need to forget a few things they say are not really important. and i had to do it. so i'd forget to think. but sheeps, i forgot a lot more other things, like work, and all the other things that mattered at present. and i am in a bad situation. i got myself into this. might as well wait until i kick enough sense in me to get myself out.
and i feel fine.
like really fine. a lot of people told me they are happy to know me (and that was before we started to drink and have fun). and even though i act like a boy, im a really cool girl.. hahahhaha... and it had boosted my ego. and im happy. because for the past two days, i had felt so low, so insecure, so unloved.. and im glad the people i had spent moments with today had helped me get through this madness im going through. thanks all. u guys are the best. and i love you much much much.
"...Nor ever were they kind enough to give the night her peace, Nor ever were they wise enough to their own souls release. And so they likewise pay their debts, the debtors and the stars: One for putting forth the night, the others for their scars."
it was the greatest love i know of. it was filled with countless sacrifices and numerous attempts of sanctifying vows nobody heard. it was filled with madness and bliss. it was imperfect but it was pure. it was bitter, and it was very sweet. it was all i had.
and now the world is different. like those clouds that change shape with every little gust of wind. my love had changed. and i am shaken off like dust on his feet. i am shattered. and my heart bleeds. like the world, he had changed into someone less better. and i disappoint myself more by believing still, by keeping true to the promises i gave a long time ago.
maybe hurting myself a lil bit more might bring myself some justice. maybe through all this, no matter how painful it is, i can say that what we had was unlike anything else. that it was special. that it was different from all the other love stories in the world. that it's worth it all.. maybe through this, our love might prove itself real.
because now, i think it must have only been a dream.
something i got out of a book i read.. i forget a lot, you see. maybe i forgot i made it all up. maybe he was never there. maybe he never really loved me. maybe that love was never real. and it is time i woke up.
maybe when i open my eyes and wake up from this nightmare, i might forget this hurt i feel right here. i had loved him with everything i am.. but the love we had wasn't as special as i thought it was. he threw it away so easily after all. and that's what hurts the most because it was all i had. it was all i knew. and no matter what, he shouldn't have called and treated me that way. he is not any better than me. and i am not as low as he thinks. i deserve better than all that.
i want to forget now. make me forget now. somebody tell me that it was all a dream. and blow all the pain away until nothing is left..
Silent and quiet Again in my life Far from these moments, I wish I was
Passion and truth We were about Before the shadows stole the beat of our hearts
After all we have been through I can only look at you Through the eyes you lied to I'm givin' up, givin' up I'm givin' up on you After all if there is no way out If you cannot stand beside me If there isn't love there is only pride I'm givin' up, I'm givin' up this fight
Undo this leash You say I tied When only our fears are to blame this time And what am I to you Just spit it out I'm not afraid of the words that you hide
Where do we go When did it all crash When did it start to fall apart
Silence and quiet Passion, the truth I wish I was, I wish I was
After all we have been through I can only look at you Through the eyes you lied to I'm givin' up, givin' up I'm givin' up on you After all if there is no way out If you cannot stand beside me If there isn't love there is only pride I'm givin' up, I'm givin' up this fight
he deleted his friendster account. i think they might have broken up, and that he didn't want me to know. the girl's profile says she's single. yesterday, that was a "in a relationship" status.. so they might have fought sometime today. or perhaps he just didn't want to see all the things going on with my life and me seeing all that's happening to him.
anyway, i'm starting to get used to this somehow. because now i think i am very special. and although i may not be as different as any other girl, i know i'm worth keeping. and when he left me for the old hag, it was a big loss for him. yah, the old hag. because she's old. and fat. and ugly.
this is not bitterness. this is loving myself more. and i feel like being the bitch today. the kamikazee drink was good enough to let myself feel a lot more confident to say all these things.
being called a bitch is better than being called the UGLY OLD witch.
i saw their new pictures today (of course, never using my own account).
and i couldn't help but notice how they look more like each other now. and it hurts me. because once, he looked more like me, and i, like him. he hasn't replied to any of my emails anymore. he is very busy, he said. and still, he's had time to travel with the ugly girl. hahahahahah...
hahahaha.
>sigh<>sigh<
"time does not heal all wounds. it will though, in its most merciful way, blunt the edge ever so slightly." ---88 minutes
maybe through all this, no matter how painful it is, i can say that what we had was unlike anything else. that it was special. that it was different from all the other love stories in the world. that it's worth it all.. maybe through this, our love might prove itself real.
