i've been telling myself that over and over again, so it wouldn't hurt as much if you decide one day to leave me behind..
i shared parts of my life yesterday with three friends... parts you decided not to listen to, for they did not really matter to you. for you, being with me was enough... that whoever i was, whatever i did, whatever happened back then was not important. with you, i was different. i became "different". i became the crybaby, the spoiled brat, the one you loved most. and for once in my life, i became genuinely happy, because you were there my sweet.
and now you're not here.
and you had hurt me a lot sure. truth is, deep inside the corners of my mind, i know i have not been able to forgive you for doing so... for breaking your promises, for making me cry, for saying goodbye, for never explaining until now how you had been able to do so. but you're back. and i know i can be contented with that. just please don't break my already broken heart again.
but still...
you're not here. every night, i wish you were here to blow the pain away... to chase all my fears away... to make me feel loved again...
i am so tired of waking up... going to work. studying. talking (most of the time, just about nothing at all). to be around people i can't stand. to keep trying to please everyone. to go home and find no one there waiting for me.
--a realization that keeps dawning on me every morning i wake up, everytime i try to grab a guitar and play, everytime i try to open my mouth to sing, everytime i try to dance a step or two, everytime i hold a pen and write, everytime i hold a pencil and draw... i wasn't given one, i guess... or perhaps i had been, but then i took them all for granted. i used to write. i used to draw. i used to dance. i used to sing. (but i've never played an instrument, only the piano, and that was way way waaaayyyyy back then)...
and now, i have nothing to be proud of. just my boring old self. i wish i could play the guitar at least, just so i would have one good reason why my self-esteem should be higher than it is now. i practice every day... and i'm not getting any better.
hahai. life.
wala lang. gkapoi lang jud ko sa work. and i'm tired of trying to please everyone. hahai lang.
anyways, bisrock na diay ako tirada ron.. ambot lang ngano... mas ganahan ko ug bisaya. mas muduot sa dughan, labi nag makaigo. aheheheh...
nakahunahuna lang ko today na magstorya sa akong walay pulos nga pag-antos ug kaskas sa gitara kadaadlaw ug about sa bisrock kay finally nakit-an na jud nako ang lyrics sa song na akong gipangita a month ago...
