well, tokyo disneyland and disneysea were fun, but manila had been the greatest. because there, i had the best two days of my life.
ronie and i are back together again. and all the pain and all the tears i've shed for the past five months had been worth it. all my prayers had been heard.
i honestly could not say that ronie loves me as much as i want him to, but that really isn't what matters, he decided to love me nonetheless. and that is good enough for me. he had decided to give our love another chance. love, after all, is a decision. so i'm fine. and i am happy.
i had been scared to travel alone expecting to see him not ready to love me again. i can see in his eyes how uncertain he is. but he took the risk. and he made me the happiest in the world.
this love is strong, i know. with God's help, we'll get through all of this. and when, we're ready, we can start to live our lives together again and keep all the promises we've made. for him, i'd fight through hell, you know? i love him that much. and i swear to hold him close to my heart forever... perhaps even far longer.
i love him.... with everything i am.
i hope you're all happy for me.
"someday maybe the sun will die someday maybe the stars will cry but i'll still be here and i won't leave you behind"
i've broken down the walls i've started building up around me for the past 5 months.. i've swallowed every bit of pride i have left... and God knows, i'll give up the life i have now, for this one chance... just one chance to bring him back.
he says he misses me all the time. no i-love-yous, no assurances, no promises.
is that enough for me? i could say i don't care at all. it's enough that he misses me. but deep in my heart, i know i am hoping for more than just that.
forgive me for talking about this now. for, you see, aside from sir luis bugging me with the truth and making my life hell (naah... just kidding. he tells me things i do not want to hear), i have to admit i still feel the lumps in my throat choking me. and i do still cry at night, and i do still have my nightmares.
and that's why i've realized that although my happiness may be here, it is not complete. i know that i should not expect anything from him, but i've laid my heart on the line now and there's no turning back.
Lord, i've given him the freedom to do whatever he wants to do with my heart. so please, please, please, don't allow him to hurt me that way for i do not have the strength to say that he shouldn't. Lord, please, please, please, i beg You, don't allow him to break my heart even more. i won't be able to take it this time.
