it's a difficult word. i never knew what it meant really... until i felt it. until i gave mine.
when you break a heart that trusts you, does the trust ever grow back? i guess not. mine never did.
but i'd like to again. i'd like to find someone i could trust my entire life on. and i'd like to find someone who would trust me too.. who would say that no matter what happens, he'll believe in me even if no one else in the world does...
i guess i would never outrun the part where i lost my trust in the one i had depended my entire life on. it's the part where i got hurt... where i lost myself... where i lost track of who i believed myself to be.. i would like to run away from that part. and never look back.. if i could only find that someone who would believe in me again... just so i can believe in myself again.
but that would never happen. because whoever i was will always be part of who i am now. the past will always creep back in... it haunts you like dreams in the night. you forget it the morning you wake up. and the next time you sleep, the nightmares come.
and you learn to live with it for the rest of your life.
