i miss my ison.
i miss him too much that my heart burns when i think about how difficult it must be for him right now. i watch our daughter sleep and ask if she, too, wonders how he is doing.
20 Million. where are we supposed to get that? the pessimist me loses hope too easily. but i have to remain strong. for my ison. for our castielle. i have not heard any news from them so far, mostly because ison prefers to not tell me anything. he knows how emotional i can become. and i might not be strong enough to keep handling hope and keep losing it again. he calls only to ask how we are doing and he keeps on promising me that everything will be okay soon and we will be together again. i can hear the hint of uncertainty in his voice. and i can feel his pain. but he is my ison. he's strong. he's faithful. this is only a test from God. and with His grace, we'll get through this.
but i miss him terribly.
terribly terribly so. i wish i could blow all his pain away.
i remember ison talk about his dad every so often. and i have considered myself very lucky that this person is going to be my daughter's grandfather. but why him? why take him away at a time like this?
my darling castielle.
i am scared. would i be a good mother to you? i have grown and lived without the care of my parents. and i wonder how i would be like as one. i promise to care for you and love you the best way i can, the best way i know how. but i can't help but be scared. the past three nights had already been difficult so far. teach me patience. teach me how to love you more.
i am sorry my little angel. you came into this world and was met by tragedy as great as this one. who would have thought? we were all looking forward to december. everything had been planned. who knew your father and his family would not be here to welcome you with me?
i can only pray and wait that next week, your lolo will be returned to us safe and sound. and our family will be whole again. and then, then so, you will be able to feel how much they all love you.
my ison.
come back here when you finally can. i miss you my sweet. i miss you terribly that i feel myself choke as if my heart is in my throat when i am reminded of you. we talk over the phone and i can't help but cry, and you try your best to comfort me assuring me everything is going to be okay, even when it is you who needs to be comforted more. you have to remain strong for your mother, your brother, and your father. and i am so sorry you also have to remain strong for me.
i love you so much.
castielle is waking up right now. i can't say more. i promise to take care of her. we will be here waiting for you to come back.
come back soon my ison.
life is too short to not spend it with the people you love the most.
